Showing posts from October, 2017
It’s 6.47am. I hear Will calling my name. There are two types of people in the world – those who get up immediately after their alarm sounds (like Will) and people who hit snooze 15 times (like me). But this time it’s not that. I hear Will’s voice again, clearer this time, “Wake up, bluebean, we’re going to be late.” But I’m up. I’m sitting up. I’m wide awake. But I can’t move. My legs feel frozen solid. I haven’t received an official diagnosis from my doctor but I am 100% certain that I suffer from anxiety. It’s back. And this attack is a bad one.

They say the human brain has 60 000 thoughts per day, I’m not too sure how true that, but right now I feel as if I am processing all of them at once. My mind feels like a spinning roulette wheel. I look down at my hands and they’re soaking wet. I look to check if I’ve spilled my coffee. There’s no cup beside my bed.
At some point Lily comes to cuddle next to me. I didn’t notice her come in but I could stay in bed with her all da…

Like all mums I constantly worry about my children. Are they getting enough green veggies? Are their vaccines up to date? Are they safe? Do they feel loved and confident? Is my first aid kit fully stocked? Are they getting enough sleep? Did I sign Lily’s school book? It’s our jobs to worry. Then as an autism parent, there are few more concerns: Will her speech improve before she’s off to school? Will kids shun her? Will she understand everything said to her? Will she have a dream career that the world will feels she’s not equipped for? Will she experience ridicule? Will boys try to take advantage of her innocent nature? How will I explain puberty and periods to her when she still has the mind set or emotional intelligence of a 6-year old (autistic girls develop earlier). Will she find a good guy? Will teachers/lecturers be understanding? Will she experience jealousy if she excels at her career/studies etc.?
The latest worry…
Follow your dreams. Such simple words. How can three words little words demand so much from you?
When I had our second daughter, Ila, I went through what most moms go through, I couldn’t bear to leave my girls and wanted to start my own business. In my mind, 6 months in I would be laughing all the way to bank. LOL. That’s life laughing at me. You see the posts, you hear of the struggles, you know how difficult it is to start a small business, and more importantly to stay in business, but you always believe that your story will be different. Thing is, you have to hold on to that belief.
When I looked at my dream, I always assumed that just one person had to believe in it - me. Turns out that several people have to believe it too – banks, fans, supporters, suppliers, your (business) partners, your spouse, your friends, your family. And suddenly it seems like such a huge summit. I did what most future business owners did, I put my dreams on hold.
I know how inc…